Surviving is not Living

Running Scared

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In school we used to do various things in PE class to test our fitness levels. In every way other than the sit and reach (I think it was called), I failed miserably. (Despite being a chunky monkey, I was pretty flexible. I was always in the top 5 at sit and reach, weird).  Some of the things didn’t bother me that I was bad because, for example, very few girls were ever good at chin ups, push ups, or the other one where you hold your head above the bar for as long as you can. Most of the girls sucked right along with me at those. But the one I hated, the one I wished I could fake dead for so I could get out of it, the worst of the worst…

The mile.

Ugh, I just shivered thinking about it.

We would board the bus, ride to the track, get ready, get set, go…

A few would quickly pull out ahead. Most would be crowded in the middle. Then there were a few of us at the back, starting out jogging just to maybe act like we were putting in an effort, and then resort to walking the rest of it. Well, at least most of the rest of it, usually around 3/4 of a mile, the rest of the class was done and waiting on us and we were being told to pick up the pace, so I’d usually finish in a sprint. Then huff and puff all the way back to school. There was no consistency, no pacing myself. I wasn’t even walking at a fast pace. I just went for a stroll. I’ve probably never even completed 1/4 of a mile in my life. Truly. I think I probably could have stuck it out to do a little further than I did, but giving up has typically been my way of doing things. When school was easy, I got straight A’s. When work was easy, I was the best employee.  When I worked out, I’d do it until I felt something and then I would stop.

I’ve never once for even a second considered myself a runner. When I was younger, I was a little athletic, but never a runner. In softball we ran a couple laps and I’d do that because I was forced to, but in the actual game it’s a start and stop type activity. You don’t have to keep up your endurance. Plus, I learned to hit the ball to the fence so I could make it past first base. I was a very good hitter. In Volleyball, I was a decent server and worked really hard to perfect that part of my game. In practice, we’d run short sprints, but nothing of length. I’d ride my bike which was probably the longest I had to put in endurance wise, but even with that we rode around town and would stop at friend’s houses, or stores.  I could swim a couple laps and tread water for a minute, but we didn’t go to the pool to swim, we went to play games and flirt with boys.  I’ve never ever been a runner. I have flat feet and shin splints and a big chest. (If you don’t know what that has to do with running, you’re either a man or don’t have a big chest. Trust me, it has a lot to do with running)

When I started watching The Biggest Loser, after a couple seasons they started having contestants run a marathon. A MARATHON! These contestants weren’t at their goal weights yet. Some were still well over 200 pounds. But they still completed the marathon. All of them. Even if they had to walk it, they completed it. I was shocked. How could these people who were still overweight manage to complete a marathon. That’s crazy!

But by the end of the season, they had trained for it. They may have still been overweight, but they were runners, athletes. It happens a little at a time. I have since watched others as they went from out of shape and/or overweight, to running a mile, a 5K, a 10K, a half marathon. Body By Pizza started with 5 minutes a day walking. She’s gone on to 5K, 10K, and half marathons. There’s a lot of people who have done that. There are places online to help you train for them. Couch to 5K is a resource for people who don’t run, to ease into running consistently and without overwhelming themselves so that they give up.

I keep telling myself I’m going to become a runner, but that’s just it, I only tell myself. Telling myself isn’t putting on the shoes, going outside and doing it. I’m scared to tell somebody else because what if I fail? What if I let myself give up again? What if I’m so special that even though all of these people have managed to do it despite their morbid obesity and unreal health problems, that I’m somehow above being able to accomplish it, that I’m different and it won’t work for me?

So, I’m putting it out there. Starting the Ct5k means STARTING it. It means following the plan and making it work, seeing the progress, building my endurance, and not making anymore excuses about why I can’t. It also means I’m going to have to take the time to do it, which means getting more disciplined to schedule my day and fitting in the training with work, my SS, getting the rest of my life organized and on track, and sleeping the right amount.

It’s scary. I’m scared to hit publish on this blog. If I tell people, that means I have to do it, for real.

*Looking at the ‘Publish’ button…. *

Do I dare?


Written by No More Tomorrows

May 3, 2011 at 10:10 am

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