Surviving is not Living

The Voices… VOICES!

with 2 comments

5:00 am – Alarm clock goes off

*You’re tired Carrie, just let the snooze button guide you back to sleep, it’s too early, it’s dark, you can do it when you get off work, just close your eyes*

5:04 am – Wake up call from Mom. I posted on facebook last night that I was getting up and that if anybody wanted to give me a wake up call, they could. Mom did it. So I got up, threw on my clothes, hair in a pigtail, found the podcast for the day and headed out.

5:13ish – I’m about 5.25 minutes into it and I’ve just started running (more like jogging actually)

*Nope, this isn’t going to happen. Walk, you should really walk. What were you thinking trying to do this, do you realize how out of shape you are? Those cars driving past are probably laughing at you. Give up and eat donuts*

This continued for the rest of the workout. I second guessed myself, had an internal dialogue with myself to keep going, don’t quit, no excuses, fight the voices, yadda yadda on and on and on. My train gets to it’s destination.

*Carrie, just get on the shuttle. You’ve done your workout this morning, you’re sore, just get on the shuttle and take it to your building. You don’t have to walk today, just get on the shuttle, it won’t make a difference, just a few short blocks doesn’t matter, walking is too painful (actually it really wasn’t, just a little….ok a lot, but not too much to walk)*

Next thing I knew I had fought with myself all the way to my building and yes I walked there, but looked at the stairs and gave them the middle finger and took the escalator, lol.

I’ve been sitting here all day still fighting the internal dialogue telling me I’m not going to be able to continue, that it’s too hard, that I’m just too far gone healthwise, and that I can just settle for walking and other workouts but that I’m just not a runner.  It’s been a pretty constant headache today with this crap going on. So this is what I have to say to the voices.

EFF YOU!  I’m doing the damn thing, now SHUT UP!

So.. until they get squashed, that’s just a battle I’ll have to take on.


Written by No More Tomorrows

June 6, 2011 at 1:12 pm

2 Responses

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  1. Inner voices are fierce beasts, I tell you what.

  2. I’ve been watching my weight slowly but surely creep up. And I don’t have the metabolism I once had. I miss the old me! And the internal voices keep telling me to get out there and exercise. But I hate to exercise. So I take it one day at a time. I can’t look too far ahead or I get in despair. Each day I try to do some form of exercise. I consciously watch what I eat. But the inner voices…they fight with me too.


    June 6, 2011 at 5:08 pm

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