Surviving is not Living

Letter to my future self

with 4 comments

Dear 140 pound Carrie,

Welcome. The road you’ve traveled down has not been easy. I know there were many times you wanted to quit, and maybe there were days you did quit for the day. You got out of bed, sat on the couch, made countless trips back and forth to the kitchen, and ate a lot of stuff you shouldn’t have. Then you felt like crap because of all the junk that was in your body, and you vowed you wouldn’t do it again. Maybe you didn’t do it again, or maybe you did. Either way, you’ve made it to this point. I couldn’t be more excited for you and what this means for your health and for the rest of your life.

Let me introduce myself. I’m the former you. I’m 301 pound Carrie. I’m the Carrie that sees 140 and wants to cry because I just don’t know how that could ever be possible. I’m the Carrie that taken up running, but can hardly run a minute without feeling like my legs are going to mush into nothingness and my lungs are going to collapse. I’m the Carrie that wears a size 22, doesn’t fit well in restaurant booths or airplane seats, and runs to ice cream and Mexican food anytime things don’t quite go my way. I’m the Carrie that fell out of love with herself a long time ago and settled for everything that didn’t mean anything. I settled, and I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for the abuse I subjected myself body to. I’m sorry for the hard work you had to endure because I was too weak to recognize my feelings and cope with them rather than eating them. I’m sorry for the aches and pains you’ve persevered through to get where you are. I didn’t make it an easy journey for you. But somehow you still pushed through. You achieved what I have always doubted I was capable of. You did it, and I’m so proud of you. Just remember that your journey isn’t over. It’s become a different journey, but it’s still going to take work.

Let me tell you, you don’t ever want to be back at this place. Now your journey is about maintaining, about being the healthiest you can be. You might go back to 150 pound Carrie, or you might decide another 5 pounds is the best for you and see 135 pound Carrie, or if you happen to be carrying a little one, there might even be 160 Carrie, but just always be sure you’re the healthiest Carrie. It’s not about a number on the scale, but just remember that it can help be an indication of how you’re taking care of yourself, just don’t let it define you.

I’m excited for the day you and I shall meet. I know you’ll have so much to tell me, so many stories to report about your journey. Until then keep loving yourself and taking care of your health. And, if that hot man I’m in love with is still there, let him know I’m on my way, and that his support means everything to me.

It’s goodbye for now, but I’m comin for ya, so watch for me and send me reminders every once in awhile of how it feels on your end to keep me on track.

Signed, The Former You


Written by No More Tomorrows

June 21, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Posted in Health, Weight Loss

4 Responses

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  1. love it. thanks for sending me this way!


    June 21, 2011 at 3:50 pm

  2. Hey Carrie
    Linked here from the comment you left on my blog. I’m not sure how you’re going about motivating yourself to eat healthy, exercise, change your lifestyle and all that…
    I would really recommend this site:

    I find I have to ignore styling of it, which is a bit brash and celebrity-obsessed, but the actual program is fabulous for getting you focused and keeping you motivated from one day to the next. You get a daily email, and the program starts gradually – there are suggested eating plans (but you can adapt if you like, according to your lifestyle and your preferred foods); there are suggested exercise plans, which are easy to follow.

    Just an idea – it’s not easy doing it alone!!



    June 24, 2011 at 11:28 am

    • Thank you so much Lisa. No, it’s not easy whether alone or with someone else. But alone is particularly difficult. I wouldn’t say I’m entirely alone, but I do need to find a workout partner to keep me at it. I have a lot of support, it’s just not direct and in my face like I need sometimes.

      I’m motivating myself by writing to remind myself why I’m doing it, and reading a LOT of other blogs for inspiration and advice, though those only go so far unless I’m willing to do the work myself. No one can do it for me. Unfortunately.

      I’ll check out the site.

      No More Tomorrows

      June 24, 2011 at 11:50 am

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