Surviving is not Living

Hurts So Good

with 8 comments

I’m sitting here and my head is pounding, and has been for nearly 24 hours. I’m wondering if I really did get overheated yesterday. I can’t seem to kick it. Watering myself a lot, and hoping it passes.

Also, my entire body hurts, from my head to my toes, and the worst is in my left heel. I’ve gotten a lot of advice for stretching it out and making it feel better, so I’m gonna try all that and hope it works, because tomorrow is my restart day for C25K training.  I got motivated to get back in it after this.

I DID MY FIRST (unofficial) 5K!!!!!!!!!!

After arriving at the park, getting myself unofficially officially signed in for the first official unofficial Do Life Tour in Denver, taking the group picture and hearing Ben talk a little bit, we set off. Here’s a recap:

Half a mile in:  Hey Carrie, I bet you wish you would have kept up that training now, dontcha. (Apparently my inner voice sounds like Sarah Palin. Figures)

One mile: Okay seriously, nobody expects the fat girl to finish. One mile is good. Just stop. STOP NOW. It’s okay, it’s hot. You tried. Just go sit in the shade.

One and a half: You just got lapped. Everybody is going to be waiting on you. Stop at 2 miles. You haven’t done two miles of anything since you were little. That’s an accomplishment. Stick with that. It’s okay.

Two miles: People are waiting. People are waiting. People are waiting.

Two and a half: Give up. Give up. Give up. Give up.

It was at this point I had finished the water I had brought, I was sweating like  a behemoth, my head was pounding and I was so freaking hot. I truly considered being done at this point. It was the one point where I almost let the bitch win (that’s the term of endearment for my inner voice), and I decided I would give in. But then I realized the only way back was through the grass, which meant bugs, because it was humid and the bugs were everywhere (or I believed they were) and I’m a princess and hate bugs, so I was NOT about to walk through the grass, and I also reminded myself that that route wouldn’t have been much shorter than just finishing it. Then a man came by selling bottled water and told me it was on the house and gave me it. So… I decided all in all, I was just going to finish what I started, for once in my life. In fact, I got such a renewed burst of inspiration I almost considered wogging (more than a walk, less than a jog, that’s about all I can do yet) and then I decided I shouldn’t be ridiculous and just kept walking.

Three miles: LET’S DO IT AGAIN!

By this time the bitch had stopped talking. That was actually my own crazy thoughts.

I finished a 5K.

I walked it all.

But I finished a 5K.

In absurd heat.

I know it could have been hotter, but it was hot enough.

I finished.


This girl right here, who is notorious for quitting EVERYTHING that requires actual hard work, who walks away when things aren’t easy, who gives up on herself all the time.

I finished.

A couple hours later as I was standing in the glorious shower, never wanting to leave, it hit me. It really really hit me.

I just did a 5K.

And I cried.










Written by No More Tomorrows

July 18, 2011 at 10:00 am

8 Responses

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  1. So proud of you!!! I really am!!! I love ya, sister :-)!!


    July 18, 2011 at 12:25 pm

  2. Carrie, you always make me cry, you are so determined and self confident in all things you do. can’t really express how I feel right now, but just reading your posts makes me feel good and so proud of you. keep it up hon, you’re getting there! love you so much, Aunt Mary Helen

    Mary Helen

    July 18, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    • I don’t feel very self-confident most of the time, but I guess when people say you have to “fake it til you make it” they’re right. I doubt myself a lot, but somewhere deep down I truly know I can accomplish whatever I want to accomplish, so I keep fighting until I have proven it to myself. Love you too, and thank you.

      No More Tomorrows

      July 18, 2011 at 1:18 pm

  3. Keep it up!


    July 18, 2011 at 4:08 pm

  4. congratulations!


    August 13, 2011 at 5:55 am

  5. […] to Do Life, I showed up when he was in Denver and had the privilege of meeting him. I did my first (unofficial) 5K and told him during next year’s tour I will be half of myself. I have a lot of work to do to […]

  6. […] did my first unofficial 5K back in July. Now it’s time to get official. November 13, 2008 was the day I buried my son. I […]

    Refocus « NoMoreTomorrows

    August 25, 2011 at 2:58 pm

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