Surviving is not Living

An Open Letter to My Body:

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We need to talk.

First, let me be the one to say I’m sorry. Although it’s never easy, I do recognize when I’ve been wrong, and I will always take responsibility for it. I haven’t treated you very kindly. I’ve filled you with lots of chemicals and crap that I called food. I know it hurt you. I never consulted you to ask you what you wanted. I just loaded you up with the garbage I wanted. I didn’t think about it. I didn’t consider you. Most of my decisions were mindless, quick, and convenient. I was only thinking of the high of instant gratification. For the many years of abuse I have subjected you to, I am truly sorry.

Now, about you.

I know that I have not been nice to you, so perhaps the way you act is revenge. I get it. But seriously. Please stop.

The Back Pain.

I know. Breasts, Obesity, and Epidurals. They are a lethal mix for you my dear back. The epidural I can’t do anything about, it already happened. But I promise never again. The obesity, I’m getting it in check. It will be gone. Just give me a year. The breasts, well, those I hope to have go away with the obesity, but if not, I will consider the knife, after many consultations.

The Girly Issues.

Between the low thyroid (which isn’t a girly issue but can contribute to girly issues) and the PCOS, you make me very frustrated. I can’t regulate temperatures very well, the hair, the irregular times of the month, the mood swings, and the constant fear of infertility and cancer in my girly bits combine to put me on the edge. Again, the obesity is partly to blame, and I’m handling it, but if you could do me a favor and heal yourself, I’d really appreciate it.

The Ultimate Letdown.

Now, the biggest issue. I trusted you. You’re female. You’re supposed to have babies, without struggle, without failing. It’s what you were designed to do. And you let me down. Major. I’ve been angry at you for awhile, and maybe that’s why I continue to abuse you, because I’m trying to pay you back. But that isn’t helping either of us. I continue to abuse you, and you continue to break down. I can’t fight you anymore. I’m letting go of being angry with you, and I’m going to do my part to treat you better, if you could just return the favor and start operating like a normal, healthy female body should. I’d like to stop worrying about my health. Get yourself prepared for babies, because someday again I’ll be expecting them.

I’ll do my part. But you have to do yours too.


Written by No More Tomorrows

August 3, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Posted in Fear, Health, Weight Loss

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