Surviving is not Living

That Girl

with 4 comments

I’ve been That Girl lately.  You know the one I’m talking about. She gets a boyfriend and suddenly that’s ALL she talks about. At least it seems like that’s all she talks about.

I’ve been her.

I never thought I would be. I figured I was independent enough to be in a relationship without being consumed.

But I’m consumed.

I used to get annoyed at girls who seemed to only talk about the man in their lives, because there’s so many other things that are important in the world, and being ridiculous over just one of those things in the world, seemed so crazy.

But I’ve become ridiculous.

And all I have to say about that is.

Sorry I’m not sorry.


See, there was a time years in my life that I was single. Prior to this relationship, the longest I dated someone was about 3 months. Yes I said months, not years. 3 months. That was the longest I could stand being a girlfriend before I had to cut loose and run free. When I did find myself truly interested in a guy, I got my feelings hurt, and so I would shy away from putting myself out there again.

Because I am a child of divorce, and because I’ve seen so many of my friends go through failed relationships, I started to think relationships just didn’t last. Breakup or divorce was imminent, and love just wasn’t worth investing in. I could have a successful career, be a single mother in some non-traditional manner, and that would be that. I had too high of expectations that no man would ever be able to fill, and if he did, he wouldn’t want me.

I watched too many chick flicks, listened to way too much tension-filled love songs, and read too many self help books written by women telling me about men and what they wanted.

I had it all wrong.

I don’t regret not dating. But I am very happy that I was mold-able enough to allow this man to open my eyes to be able to look in the mirror and see myself for what I was. I had a lot of good ideas about being a good woman and partner, and I had some bad ideas, and in some areas I had no idea.

But here is the thing with me. When I learn a lesson, it becomes my passion to share with others. I want everyone to “get it”.  When I came to the realization that all my preconceived notions about what a man should be were utter crap, I suddenly had this whole new view of relationships. I realized in one moment every relationship mistake I had ever made. And I didn’t want others to have to go through all that before learning and getting it too. So many people always heard me talk negatively about relationships. If Ms. Cynical got it, and found love, then everybody should be able to get it.

So I’ve turned into That Girl.

I’m perfectly okay with that.

Relationships are hard. But I am in love with a man who makes the hard work worth it.


That’s the key.

Two right people finding each other and putting in the work. Not completing each other, not controlling each other, manipulating each other, settling, or expecting perfection.

Two people finding the balance between not settling and not expecting perfection, and finding the right mix of putting yourself first and being selfless.

When it falls into place, it’s kind of amazing.

Trust me, you’ll be That Girl too.



Written by No More Tomorrows

October 18, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Posted in Lessons, Love, Relationships

4 Responses

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  1. Hi, I found your blog via Prior Fat Girl and having read through a few of your most recent posts, everything you write about rings so true for me. Even down to the same feelings I’ve had towards the Australian version of The Biggest Loser over the last couple of seasons!

    I first became That Girl almost six years ago and was also terrified of following my parents into divorce. But I took the plunge and married him two months ago and so far it only seems to get better every day 🙂


    October 23, 2011 at 4:15 am

    • Welcome! Thank you for commenting. Congrats on being That Girl. 🙂 It’s difficult waters to tread. I’m trying to balance what it is to be selfless, compromising and giving without neglecting myself. My natural inclination is to give up when things aren’t easy. That’s how I managed to lose an academic scholarship, fail an entire semester of school, and get to 320 pounds. It’s also why, prior to this relationship I never had one last more than a couple months. So, I’m learning what it is to stick something out when it’s not sunshine and roses, but at what point is enough, enough? It’s not as easy as I thought it would be. But I found someone who makes it worth figuring out.

      No More Tomorrows

      October 24, 2011 at 11:35 am

  2. Um yea, I love this post!! I’m not a dater, at all. I was hurt once and have run every time since so I’m not hurt again. I totally needed this. Thanks for giving me hope.

    Liz @ Southern Charm

    October 24, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    • I remember when people use to tell me that the “right” guy was worth risking the hurt. I’d roll my eyes and dismiss the comment. The truth is, we’re human. My boyfriend has hurt me by some of what he has said or done. And I’ve not been perfect to him either. The thing that keeps me optimistic about him and our relationship is knowing that he’s a good man with a good heart. His intention is never to hurt me, but he’s a man. Men don’t always say things in the way women do, they get to the point, and sometimes we take it wrong. I understand running from relationships. I did it too. There’s a lot of men who aren’t worth taking the chance on, and it’s just about learning who deserves to have you open up yourself to them and who isn’t.

      No More Tomorrows

      October 24, 2011 at 12:16 pm

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