Surviving is not Living

Pushing through

with 2 comments

In the interest of not letting this time of year get me in a hole, I decided what better way to fight it than to get back at working out.  I do have a weigh in tomorrow afterall. Last weighin 10/15/2011 was 295 pounds.

So Saturday I did hip hop, yoga and 30/40/50.

Sunday I did kickboxing, yoga and 30/40/50.

And today, so far, I walked 1.5 miles during lunch.  Oh, and ran to the bus stop because I was late, so that was about 30 seconds of running. And I didn’t feel like I would die. Progress.

30/40/50 is 30 pushups, 40 squats, and 50 crunches.

This time of year is hard for me. Today kind of starts it all.

October 31, 2008 was my last doctor’s appointment with my son that I got to hear his heartbeat.

November 1 was my due date.

November 5 was when I found out he had passed away in utero.

November 7 was when he was born.

November 13 was when I said goodbye.

The first year, in 2009 from about the beginning of October to the new year I was in a pretty deep depression. 2010 was better. I think it will continue to be better. It’s not that the pain is lessened. It’s just that I’ve learned to cope better. I’ll always miss him. I’d have a three year old toddling around. Life would be very different. And he’ll never get to have the milestones I see all my friends’ children have. He’s never coming back. And that’s a pain so deep, I just can’t describe it.

It’s time for me to be healthy though. It’s time to stop punishing myself for failing him.

I’m pushing on through. Because life is kind of beautiful. And I’m tired of sitting on the sidelines watching it go by.



Written by No More Tomorrows

October 31, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Posted in Baby Loss, Weight Loss

2 Responses

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  1. I Found your blog through a friend (of a friend 🙂 ) and just felt compelled to comment. I don’t have great words, but my heart goes out to you. I’ve known too many women in a similar situation. My prayer is hope and encouragement for you. Please do not despair.

    -Just a nosy stranger- ;P


    November 1, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    • Thank you Alison. I appreciate that. Feel free to be nosy anytime. I’m quite the nosy nancy myself. 🙂

      No More Tomorrows

      November 1, 2011 at 2:17 pm

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