NoMoreTomorrows

Surviving is not Living

Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

How do you measure a year?

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“You never know the biggest day of your life is the biggest day. Not until it’s happening. You don’t recognize the biggest day of your life, not until you’re right in the middle of it. The day you commit to something or someone. The day you get your heart broken. The day you meet your soul mate. The day you realize there’s not enough time, because you wanna live forever. Those are the biggest days. The perfect days. You know?”  Izzie, Grey’s Anatomy

 

I don’t know if I would say that was necessarily the biggest day of my life, but it was sure one of my top 5. It was the day I met a man who would forever change my life. I wrote about our first date here. It was one year ago today.

The year has been quite a year, that’s for sure. We had a good couple of weeks right away and then two months of not seeing each other. It was my fault. I did something dumb, and that could have been the end of that story, and I’m not sure who I would be right now if our story had ended there. But something brought him back to me.

I had seen people go from relationship to relationship without being able to be single. That wasn’t me. I spent my life being single, something that at times I hated, but I also am so glad I took the time to be alone with myself and figure out who I was. I didn’t get distracted with someone else, I was able to grow me, and be at peace with me.

That doesn’t mean I was perfect. Through this relationship I have learned so much more about myself, lessons that could only come from navigating through a relationship and figuring it out. It’s not been easy. But it’s been worth it all.  I’m not an expert on relationships, not by any means, but I believe that by being open to change, and by allowing myself to learn, that I am able to pass a few things on to others that might help.

Things I know for sure:

Women and men have forgotten what it means to be ladies and gentlemen. Our first date, he yelled at me for opening all my doors. He told me he doesn’t look at other women when he’s with his lady. I figured that was a line, but then I saw him back it up. When we are together, he looks at me. He doesn’t struggle with not looking other places, he just doesn’t do it. I see that it’s natural. I watched him in a store once when I was out in the car. He was surrounded by women, and he never looked at any of them. (And trust me they were all looking at him, because he’s hot.) He’s truly a gentleman. He treats me like a lady. He opens doors, carries in my groceries, checks the oil in my car, takes my coat from me and hangs it up. He lets me be a lady.  In fact, he expects it. It’s not some misogynistic outdated gender roles he forces on me. It’s just the standard he holds himself to. And in him being a gentleman, it naturally forces me to be a lady.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Communicating effectively means knowing when to speak up and when to shut up. Sometimes we have a disagreement and he pushes me to talk about it, because he cares about my feelings, and wants to know what’s on my mind. And sometimes he doesn’t want to talk, and doesn’t want to hear what I have to say, because what I’m saying isn’t constructive. Women, sometimes we need to shut up. Truly. Some things are not important to be said. If we’re overreacting about something, and making something about us that isn’t about us, we don’t need to vocalize that and bring negativity into our space. Some things really can just be let go. Talk about things that are important, but sometimes, remember to shut up.

Independence should only be exerted when single, not when in a partnership. I can change my own oil, fix my own toilet, take things apart and put them back together. I don’t need anyone to do it for me. That independence has carried me a long way. But exerting that kind of independence in a relationship would destroy it. If I want him to be my partner, I need to let him do the things that are important to him to do. Refer to my first point about being a lady and being a gentleman. If I never let him do things for me, he’d start to feel unimportant pretty quickly. So I don’t need him to check my oil for me. But I ask him to do it before I leave town, because it allows him to do something to take care of me, and that is what fulfills him in the relationship. Not exerting my independence does not mean I have become weak and needy. He’d run away fast if that were the case. He likes my intelligence and my ability to stand on my own two feet. He knows if we were to have a family and something were to happen to him, I could take care of our family. He is attracted to my strength. So I choose to be softer, and let him be a man.

 

 

The most important lessons in life, are not easy to learn, and do not come without pain. We have had some difficult conversations. And he has said some things to me that are hard to hear. It’s something that I love about him that he won’t beat around the bush, he cuts straight to the issue. My being the emotional person I am, it’s sometimes hard to take that, but I wouldn’t have him any other way. He has taught me to cope with my emotions, to master them so they don’t master me. Emotions aren’t bad, but nobody should live by them, and sometimes I’m guilty of gut reactions instead of thinking through things. He doesn’t coddle my irrational emotions. I’m a Cancer, and a woman, I have a lot of them. He’s a Gemini and a man, he doesn’t understand them.  Good relationships will teach you important lessons about yourself, and other people, if you are open to learning and bettering yourself.

 

Life is short. Have fun always. That is a pretty easy one. Don’t make mountains out of mole hills. Laugh a lot. Smile. Don’t hold grudges. Don’t pick fights. Enjoy life. Enjoy each other. Make memories.

Never in my life did I imagine myself with someone like him. If I had looked at my “list” (if I had even made one) he might have met half of my criteria. But I had no idea what I should be wanting in a man, and I’m glad I could see to open myself up to the possibilities with someone who was so different than I was. As social as I can be sometimes, I never thought my favorite nights with a man would be spent staying in, fixing a meal, and listening to lectures. Sharing knowledge is hot. Sizzling. Trust me.

And one more thing, cut the cord from your phone to your hand. Turn it off, put it down, and put your eyes and your attention on each other. Facebook can wait.  I promise.

Written by No More Tomorrows

December 6, 2011 at 11:18 am

That Girl

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I’ve been That Girl lately.  You know the one I’m talking about. She gets a boyfriend and suddenly that’s ALL she talks about. At least it seems like that’s all she talks about.

I’ve been her.

I never thought I would be. I figured I was independent enough to be in a relationship without being consumed.

But I’m consumed.

I used to get annoyed at girls who seemed to only talk about the man in their lives, because there’s so many other things that are important in the world, and being ridiculous over just one of those things in the world, seemed so crazy.

But I’ve become ridiculous.

And all I have to say about that is.

Sorry I’m not sorry.

 

See, there was a time years in my life that I was single. Prior to this relationship, the longest I dated someone was about 3 months. Yes I said months, not years. 3 months. That was the longest I could stand being a girlfriend before I had to cut loose and run free. When I did find myself truly interested in a guy, I got my feelings hurt, and so I would shy away from putting myself out there again.

Because I am a child of divorce, and because I’ve seen so many of my friends go through failed relationships, I started to think relationships just didn’t last. Breakup or divorce was imminent, and love just wasn’t worth investing in. I could have a successful career, be a single mother in some non-traditional manner, and that would be that. I had too high of expectations that no man would ever be able to fill, and if he did, he wouldn’t want me.

I watched too many chick flicks, listened to way too much tension-filled love songs, and read too many self help books written by women telling me about men and what they wanted.

I had it all wrong.

I don’t regret not dating. But I am very happy that I was mold-able enough to allow this man to open my eyes to be able to look in the mirror and see myself for what I was. I had a lot of good ideas about being a good woman and partner, and I had some bad ideas, and in some areas I had no idea.

But here is the thing with me. When I learn a lesson, it becomes my passion to share with others. I want everyone to “get it”.  When I came to the realization that all my preconceived notions about what a man should be were utter crap, I suddenly had this whole new view of relationships. I realized in one moment every relationship mistake I had ever made. And I didn’t want others to have to go through all that before learning and getting it too. So many people always heard me talk negatively about relationships. If Ms. Cynical got it, and found love, then everybody should be able to get it.

So I’ve turned into That Girl.

I’m perfectly okay with that.

Relationships are hard. But I am in love with a man who makes the hard work worth it.

 

That’s the key.

Two right people finding each other and putting in the work. Not completing each other, not controlling each other, manipulating each other, settling, or expecting perfection.

Two people finding the balance between not settling and not expecting perfection, and finding the right mix of putting yourself first and being selfless.

When it falls into place, it’s kind of amazing.

Trust me, you’ll be That Girl too.

 

Written by No More Tomorrows

October 18, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Posted in Lessons, Love, Relationships

A Laundry List

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I’m totally not the blogger that will give you countless posts of what I’ve been up to, and if that’s the kind of blogger you are, then unfortunately I won’t stay a reader.

However, I do laundry lists from time to time and I like to read them from time to time in the blogs I frequent.

So here’s mine…

10 year reunion was cool, 200 and some jello shots consumed, made with vodka, some everclear, some whiskey…

Yowsa!!

So I gained a couple of alcohol pounds. It happens. Moving on…

My toe is still totally jacked. I’m going to have to come up with some things I can do not involving running so that I can burn some calories and get back to losing.

Enjoyed my days off, and yesterday was spent with the Man, which is always a wonderful thing. We had Indian (my first time, no more indian food virgin) and looked at a few different areas for apartments (for HIM not US) and went back and chilled the rest of the day while I cleaned up the kitchen from him destroying it while I was gone, and then he made dinner, which was, as usual, foodgasmic.

And now I’m back at work.

I need to get on the ball of writing and freelance work searching and gettin motivated to make my own money.

Stay tuned for a post with more depth soon.

 

Written by No More Tomorrows

July 26, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Posted in Life, Love, Weight Loss, Writing

All Over the Place

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It’s not that I have nothing to say right now, it’s that I have too much to say, and I can’t really make sense of the mess in my head. No worries, the mess isn’t bad, it’s just chaotic. Ideas and thoughts and all that jazz. Because I can’t really make sense of what’s in my own head, today is going to be full of a bunch of links to things I think everyone should read. I hope to provide you with enough to carry through the weekend in case I don’t get back to you before then. Tomorrow is my friday and then I’m headed back to Kansas for my 10 year high school reunion.

WHAT?! How has it been that long already? Seriously. When did we all become grown?

10 years. Hm.. that just got me thinking of a post idea.  Stay tuned for that. In the meantime, what follows is gonna be others’ posts who have inspired me, not all has to do with weightloss stuff, but just life in general and inspiration in different areas. Please check them out. There’s so many cool people I’ve found in the blogosphere, and because some of them are doing this for their career (which I hope to be someday, soon) visiting their pages and such helps support their livelihood, and I’m ALL about supporting small businesses/self-employed peeps.

Ben Does Life Video Journey – The Do Life Movement started from Ben’s journey. He was in Denver Sunday and that’s how I ended up doing my first 5K.  Pretty awesome. And really, that’s what it’s about, doing life. I want to lose 180 pounds, and get out of debt, and have positive people in my circle, and do the job I love to do, all because I believe life should be lived loudly, however that translates for you. We should be our best selves, not what others expect us to be, not what we settle for being, not stuck because we’re afraid to move, but extraordinary, because life is short, and we should soak it all up while we can.

This is What it Looks Like – A 26 part (short posts, easy reads) series on love. Jasmine Myers of Eat Move Write lets us in on her journey of discovering love, for the man who would eventually become her husband and, ultimately, for herself. It’s beautiful. Truly. Our ability to love anybody else only truly comes after we’ve fallen in love with ourselves.

Jasmine’s Top Posts – (More from Eat Move Write) All pretty awesome. In fact, you really should just go to her page and use her drop down menu to go back in time and read everything she has written, and then start following her regularly. She’s taking a short pause from her blog, so you have time to catch up. She’s pretty awesome. I find it to be a beautiful thing when your spirit connects to another’s even when you’ve not met that person. I know that not everyone connects with the same people, but I think some of you definitely will.

Running is for Crazy People – A Guest Blog at Healthy Tipping Point talking about what her “tipping point” was. Everybody has a moment where they decide that enough is enough and kick it into gear. This was hers. And I enjoyed the read.

30 Lessons My Parents Didn’t Teach Me – Just a freaking awesome post that E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y should read. Seriously.

Dear Mom, I would give it all back – Warning. It made me cry. Post from Jen, founder of Prior Fat Girl, who lost her mom during her journey, on the day of her 2 year anniversary of healthiness, when she planned on celebrating her 100 lbs lost.  Another one, My mom is dead talks a little more about her journey after losing her mom, with coming to the point of learning how to live without her mom, and realizing it was something she had to do. People wonder how you survive something like that, loss of a young parent, a spouse, or a child. The answer is this, you just do. You wake up, get out of bed, and put one foot in front of the other.

Rachel Wilkerson’s Fourth Rule – Thou Shalt Own It. I truly believe this. Do not every apologize for who you are. That is living a life that is authentic, and that is the greatest gift we can give others, our authentic selves. That doesn’t mean being a jerk for no reason and treating others poorly. It means accepting who you are and not apologizing if you don’t fit a perfect mold that someone else has created for you. Rachel is definitely someone I enjoy reading. She puts it out there. Doesn’t apologize, and makes me laugh, A LOT.  Check out her top posts and her recipes.

Okay, I hope that has given you enough to tide over for awhile. Link us to a favorite post(s) you’ve read recently. Or a favorite blogger. I’m always looking for new people to follow, to be inspired by, to laugh with.

And I promise I will be back with more posts of my own soon. I have a lot of ideas floating around, just need to organize them.  I have a list of “to be written” posts.

Written by No More Tomorrows

July 20, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Smelling the Roses

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I live to fight on another day. Yesterday was pretty craptastic so I avoided writing. But I read your comments and encouragement and am appreciative. Very. Continuing for a minute with Celebrity Rehab, something I see on there is how crappy everyone feels the first little bit as they’re coming off their drug(s) of choice.  I watch that and I think “Why would anyone want to do that twice?” As in, once you’ve detoxed once, I would think that you wouldn’t ever put that crap in your body again so as to avoid feeling the same way in the future.

Wrong. Our memories aren’t always so far reaching. As it is with bad foods. I’ve known in the past how crappy I feel when I eat bad stuff, so wouldn’t I want to avoid the icky feeling from ever happening again? Well, one would assume that’d be the case, but no, and as evidenced by the other day and my sugar-filled afternoon. Well, I’m paying for it. Yesterday I felt a little icky, but I still wasn’t eating the greatest of foods. Today, since mostly eating very well and very light, my body is trying to flush everything out, and I feel miserable. MISERABLE.

In case I ever want to do that to myself again… I have one thing to say to myself….

STOP!!! REMEMBER HOW MUCH YOU FEEL LIKE ISH RIGHT NOW AND PUT THAT ISH DOWN RIGHT NOW!!!

Moving on…

Saturday was the first time I ever ate a real cherry, as in, not a maraschino one dipped in sex on the beach. A real live, actual fruit cherry.  So I went to the grocery store yesterday and bought some Rainier Cherries. Pic below is not mine. I just haven’t worked out the whole picture taking thing yet. But blogs are more fun with pics, right?

 

Hello lover

And on to the bit about roses and my lesson for today (though it stemmed from last night)…

I tried to cook dinner last night, and due to the Man, it got jacked up. I’m not blaming him, he took responsibility.

So, my sexy hunk of a man took it upon himself to do dinner. Can I just say, That’s Hot.

He asked me to grab some veggies out of the fridge, and while he’s VERY meticulously cutting them up and taking forever to do so, and I’m hungry because I had planned for us to have had dinner ready over an hour prior, I tell him I have a food chopper.

And the lesson begins.

He tells me that I shouldn’t be in such a rush for dinner.

Hello?! Remember that dinner that you made me destroy. Yeah, we would have been full by now and watching tv or listening to lectures, instead we’re standing in the kitchen making dinner and my tummy is unhappy!

I didn’t actually say that to him, just thought it.

So, he begins his schpiel about food. He talks about loving good food, hating bad food, and respecting food in order to enjoy it and savor it. Plus, taking longer to cook makes you less hungry.

LESS HUNGRY?!

Okay, so even though I was thinking I was dying of starvation, I did listen to what he had to say, and I did learn, and I do agree. It all made sense what he was saying, but I don’t know how well I’m retelling the lesson.  When he was talking about it, it made me think of the book French Women Don’t Get Fat and I asked him if that was the same concept of that book. He said he didn’t know because he hadn’t ever read the book, which I haven’t either, but I’m pretty sure it’s probably a similar concept.

So, the lesson?

That doesn’t apply to just food. Americans are in a big fat hurry for everything. Did you know that other countries don’t even have drive ups at places? You are forced to go inside banks, inside stores, inside everywhere.

*Gasp* The HORROR!!

I know. We want things now. Fast food, drive ups, delivery, canned food, food choppers, we have done everything we could to simplify our lives as much as possible, and yet we still seem to have no time for the things that matter. How is it, that in the days of old, when things took far longer to complete because of the lack of technological advances, they still seemed to have more time for each other?

It’s time to slow down. It’s time to appreciate the things in our lives and savor them. We all have responsibilities, and we should handle those, but not everything needs to be rushed through just so that we can fill our times and our lives with a bunch of meaningless things that keep us busy but never really accomplish anything.

Slow down.

Smell the roses.

And savor your food.

And your life.

Written by No More Tomorrows

July 14, 2011 at 12:46 pm