Surviving is not Living

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Up and Running

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I’ve entered a lot of giveaways in my life. I had only won 1 that I can remember.

But NOW…

I received an email on Sunday from Jen at Prior Fat Girl telling me I won!!!

What did I win?

Go here to read about the giveaway and the prize.

I am so excited. It’s extra motivation to get my run on. There are lots of people who entered the giveaway, lots of people could have won it, but they didn’t. I did. And I’m not going to throw this prize away when someone else might have put it to better use. I am going to use the hell out of the prize. Each day there’s a new blog entry for us to read. We can participate on the message board. Then next Monday the running begins.

I have nothing but good things to say about Couch to 5K. It’s a great program. But this one is all women, starting and ending at the same time, with a specific thought pattern to process through each day. It’s like we’re doing it side by side even though we’re all over the world. I’m pumped. I can see myself registering and purchasing the 10K program when I’m ready for that step.

I highly suggest looking into the program. If you’d like to start it for this round I think you still can, we haven’t started the running yet, we’re just doing the mental prep. If you can’t do it now, please keep it in mind for the next time it rolls around. I am super excited about this. I will keep everyone updated and let you know how it turns out. Expect a full review.


Written by No More Tomorrows

September 7, 2011 at 9:40 am

Posted in Health, NoMoreTomorrows


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I make plans and then I lose focus. It happens a lot. This is my time to pull it back together and keep going, get out of this funk and move forward. I’m not restarting, I’m just continuing what was stalled. I started out the journey to health really strong, then life happened and I got distracted. I set my sights on building a business of my own to not have a boss someday soon, and got distracted from that also. Couch to 5K began, and stalled.

So this is me taking a moment to regroup.

I haven’t been weighing in mostly because I knew there’d either be no loss or a gain and I just didn’t want to face it. I fell off REAL bad for awhile, and then lately it’s been more of an eating-great-but-not-working-out type of a fall off. When I began this journey, I knew it wouldn’t be smooth sailing, but I also knew this was going to be the last time I said I was getting healthy. I knew this time was going to get it done. I just knew it. So, as frustrated as I am that I haven’t stuck with things as well as I’d like to have, I also know it’s just a part of the journey. I know I am learning a lot, I’m living life, and I’m making the right changes. But it’s time to measure things again. However, I’m not going to do weekly weigh ins. Instead, I’m doing it the way Ben’s doing it. Weigh-ins will be the 1st and the 15th of each month. The number on the scale matters to me, but it’s not the more important focus of my life. So I’m giving it the right place in my life, twice a month. With that I will also be using other things to tell me how my progress is going, measurements, clothing sizes, run times, distances, etc. The number isn’t all that matters.

Call this section “Everything I won’t be eating.”

People talk a lot about not depriving yourself. I don’t like to look at it that way. There are certain things I just don’t need to be putting in my body. Ever. I don’t think that’s deprivation, I think that’s just seeing food for it’s true purpose. I don’t want to see food so much as pleasure as I do as fuel. I want to heal my relationship with food, and only eat what I need.

Part of my desire to change my food is also to combat the PCOS (warning: discusses things of a feminine health nature. If you are squeemish about those things, don’t click the link) I was diagnosed with 8 years ago. I decided to take charge of it and control it. I haven’t been medicated for about 6 years and despite that I was still able to get pregnant and carry to term. The stillbirth of my son doesn’t seem to be because of my PCOS, at least according to my doctors. But lately, things have been looking kind of sketchy in the area of my feminine and reproductive health. (such as having a 70 day cycle instead of the “normal” 28)

More than anything in the world: I WANT BABIES.

So I am taking control of it. I have read a crap ton of information about treating my PCOS naturally. I fully believe that once I am healthy my body will give me healthy babies. Basically the information I’m finding is saying to reduce animal products, eat protein, good fats, low GI foods, Cut out caffeine and Alcohol and avoid white food. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’ve made big steps towards a veg lifestyle and I can say with full confidence that one day very soon I will not be a meat eater. I’ve also found some information to recommend the herbs and nutrients that will control my effed up hormones, man-hair, mood swings, effed up cycles, insulin resistance, weight, and acne (all things attributed to PCOS) I also hear good things about a gluten free diet in treating PCOS, so I’m going to look into it. Basically I have been looking at, how can I cut out all of this stuff and still eat a healthy, well-balanced diet. The answer I’m finding is, pretty darn easily, actually.

Many plans regarding running. First step, get back to Couch to 5K training. That will commence immediately. Basically my only option is to do mornings. So I will be making sure I start getting up early and getting the wogging in. Once the Colorado cold sets in I may be looking for an indoor track or gym, or I may just be sucking it up and dealing with the cold. Especially if I’m going to be taking part in races during the winter. Which brings me to my plans.

I did my first unofficial 5K back in July. Now it’s time to get official. November 13, 2008 was the day I buried my son. I think it seems fitting to run a race for babies that day. I get paid soon and I will be registering for that race. Once that is done there’s no turning back. I either run it or I wasted my money. And I’m cheap, so I don’t like wasting money.

Then, you know… next year is 2012, and there’s 12 months in the year, and I figure, why not also do 12 races?


Yeah, I will begin looking for races once they’re posted and will be doing a 5K once a month in 2012. 12 5K’s in 12 months. Right now that seems crazy, but to runners who do long distances it’s nothing. It’s not like it’s 52 marathons in 52 weeks or anything crazy like that. Who does that?!

Speaking of which…. (omg I must be frickin crazy)

Denver hasn’t been announced yet. Denver may not be a stop on their tour but I’m assuming and hoping it will be since we were so fabulous this year. There is a marathon in October in Denver. They do a marathon and give you the option for a half. I’m not sure the timing. I’ve looked into the training programs for a 5k, 10k, half, and full marathon and if I do them consecutively with a week break in between, it takes me out to June. Basically…

I have my eyes set on a marathon for 2012.

So, there are the goals and plans I have set in place. I fully believe I can achieve them. I just have to get out of my own way.

That’s the first step.

Written by No More Tomorrows

August 25, 2011 at 2:58 pm

All Over the Place

with 3 comments

It’s not that I have nothing to say right now, it’s that I have too much to say, and I can’t really make sense of the mess in my head. No worries, the mess isn’t bad, it’s just chaotic. Ideas and thoughts and all that jazz. Because I can’t really make sense of what’s in my own head, today is going to be full of a bunch of links to things I think everyone should read. I hope to provide you with enough to carry through the weekend in case I don’t get back to you before then. Tomorrow is my friday and then I’m headed back to Kansas for my 10 year high school reunion.

WHAT?! How has it been that long already? Seriously. When did we all become grown?

10 years. Hm.. that just got me thinking of a post idea.  Stay tuned for that. In the meantime, what follows is gonna be others’ posts who have inspired me, not all has to do with weightloss stuff, but just life in general and inspiration in different areas. Please check them out. There’s so many cool people I’ve found in the blogosphere, and because some of them are doing this for their career (which I hope to be someday, soon) visiting their pages and such helps support their livelihood, and I’m ALL about supporting small businesses/self-employed peeps.

Ben Does Life Video Journey – The Do Life Movement started from Ben’s journey. He was in Denver Sunday and that’s how I ended up doing my first 5K.  Pretty awesome. And really, that’s what it’s about, doing life. I want to lose 180 pounds, and get out of debt, and have positive people in my circle, and do the job I love to do, all because I believe life should be lived loudly, however that translates for you. We should be our best selves, not what others expect us to be, not what we settle for being, not stuck because we’re afraid to move, but extraordinary, because life is short, and we should soak it all up while we can.

This is What it Looks Like – A 26 part (short posts, easy reads) series on love. Jasmine Myers of Eat Move Write lets us in on her journey of discovering love, for the man who would eventually become her husband and, ultimately, for herself. It’s beautiful. Truly. Our ability to love anybody else only truly comes after we’ve fallen in love with ourselves.

Jasmine’s Top Posts – (More from Eat Move Write) All pretty awesome. In fact, you really should just go to her page and use her drop down menu to go back in time and read everything she has written, and then start following her regularly. She’s taking a short pause from her blog, so you have time to catch up. She’s pretty awesome. I find it to be a beautiful thing when your spirit connects to another’s even when you’ve not met that person. I know that not everyone connects with the same people, but I think some of you definitely will.

Running is for Crazy People – A Guest Blog at Healthy Tipping Point talking about what her “tipping point” was. Everybody has a moment where they decide that enough is enough and kick it into gear. This was hers. And I enjoyed the read.

30 Lessons My Parents Didn’t Teach Me – Just a freaking awesome post that E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y should read. Seriously.

Dear Mom, I would give it all back – Warning. It made me cry. Post from Jen, founder of Prior Fat Girl, who lost her mom during her journey, on the day of her 2 year anniversary of healthiness, when she planned on celebrating her 100 lbs lost.  Another one, My mom is dead talks a little more about her journey after losing her mom, with coming to the point of learning how to live without her mom, and realizing it was something she had to do. People wonder how you survive something like that, loss of a young parent, a spouse, or a child. The answer is this, you just do. You wake up, get out of bed, and put one foot in front of the other.

Rachel Wilkerson’s Fourth Rule – Thou Shalt Own It. I truly believe this. Do not every apologize for who you are. That is living a life that is authentic, and that is the greatest gift we can give others, our authentic selves. That doesn’t mean being a jerk for no reason and treating others poorly. It means accepting who you are and not apologizing if you don’t fit a perfect mold that someone else has created for you. Rachel is definitely someone I enjoy reading. She puts it out there. Doesn’t apologize, and makes me laugh, A LOT.  Check out her top posts and her recipes.

Okay, I hope that has given you enough to tide over for awhile. Link us to a favorite post(s) you’ve read recently. Or a favorite blogger. I’m always looking for new people to follow, to be inspired by, to laugh with.

And I promise I will be back with more posts of my own soon. I have a lot of ideas floating around, just need to organize them.  I have a list of “to be written” posts.

Written by No More Tomorrows

July 20, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Tomorrow isn’t soon enough

with 4 comments

It’s been 32 days since I worked out.


And there’s that stupid voice in my head taunting me… “See, you knew you couldn’t do it.”

The DoLife 5K is this weekend. I was supposed to be in week 5 by now. I was going to be able to run like half of the 5k without walking. But I never made it past week 1.

“See, you knew you couldn’t do it.”

My weight stalled for 2 weeks, and then I gained a pound, and it stalled at that 1 pound gain. I haven’t lost in 4 weeks.

“See, you knew you couldn’t do it.”

I set my alarm every single night to wake up at 4:45 am the next morning to get started again, and then I wake up (on my own without an alarm… because my body KNOWS) at 4:40 am and switch the alarm to 5:30, knowing I’m given up on myself yet again.

“See, you knew you couldn’t do it.”

I’m back to drinking coffee, eating a quick and gross breakfast, eating out far too much, and not drinking enough water.

“See, you knew you couldn’t do it.”


I’ve had enough of the stupid little voice. Seriously. What a bitch.

The truth is, I can do it, I just haven’t been doing it. I’ve let anything and everything stand in my way. It’s as simple as that. I haven’t failed because I’m weak. I’ve failed because I gave in to roadblocks and gave up, always saying that tomorrow I would fix it.  Then not following through.


Because I’m worth it…

Because I want it…

Because I don’t want to see 303 next Monday on the scale…

Because I don’t want to die in my first 5K…

Because I can…

Because I want healthy babies…

Because I want to save my life…

Because I want to get it so I can help others get it…

Because tomorrow is never promised…

I’m going to work out tonight…

even if it’s hot,

even if I’m tired,

even if I don’t feel like it, e

ven if I get home and something tries to get in my way,

even if I have no stamina and feel like I’m going to die,

even if….

No Excuses.


Written by No More Tomorrows

July 11, 2011 at 9:15 am

Are you ready?

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“One of the things that has really struck me throughout this tour is how many people say something along the lines of ….I’m not ready for “that.” “That” might be a 5k, half-marathon, marathon, triathlon, Ironman, etc. My question is this, When will we ever be ready?”  Life Does Jed

19 days until their tour will be in Denver. This will be my first 5K. I think it’s a perfect one for my first. It’s not really gonna be a race. It’s not about best times or personal records. I’ve been following them on their tour. Ben and Jed are brothers and they’ve brought their father along.  They’re doing life. Ben lost 127 pounds. Jed lost too and started running and competing in races, from 5K to Ironman alongside Ben. Their dad beat addiction.  They’ve chosen to participate in their lives and have set out to join others doing life, and inspiring a lot of people. Seriously, you need to check out their tour and get on board if they’re going to be near you. Go to Ben’s site and click the link over to the right for tour details.  And check them out on Facebook.

So, what are you waiting to do?  What are you waiting to be ready for?

Don’t wait for life. Tomorrow isn’t promised. Go balls to the wall today and make it happen. Get busy doing life.






Written by No More Tomorrows

June 28, 2011 at 8:43 am


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Here’s the thing about deciding to live life, to stop waiting for tomorrow, and to stop settling:

Restlessness is far more common.

Anytime I feel like I’m just idling, like I’m not moving forward, I get restless. I feel that now.

Although my food was pretty decent last week, I didn’t work out, had a rough weekend, and saw a big fat ZERO weightloss on the scale today. I feel like going for a run. I’m restless.

I have a job and stability and a work schedule, but I want to work for myself. I’m restless.

I have an amazing man in my life who has changed me in so many wonderful ways, but I keep wanting to know what’s next. I’m restless.

I want to see more of the world, but don’t have the money. I’m restless.

My son would have been 3 years old this November and I am ready to try again. I’m restless.

I’m restless.


Written by No More Tomorrows

June 20, 2011 at 10:26 am

Posted in NoMoreTomorrows

The Voices… VOICES!

with 2 comments

5:00 am – Alarm clock goes off

*You’re tired Carrie, just let the snooze button guide you back to sleep, it’s too early, it’s dark, you can do it when you get off work, just close your eyes*

5:04 am – Wake up call from Mom. I posted on facebook last night that I was getting up and that if anybody wanted to give me a wake up call, they could. Mom did it. So I got up, threw on my clothes, hair in a pigtail, found the podcast for the day and headed out.

5:13ish – I’m about 5.25 minutes into it and I’ve just started running (more like jogging actually)

*Nope, this isn’t going to happen. Walk, you should really walk. What were you thinking trying to do this, do you realize how out of shape you are? Those cars driving past are probably laughing at you. Give up and eat donuts*

This continued for the rest of the workout. I second guessed myself, had an internal dialogue with myself to keep going, don’t quit, no excuses, fight the voices, yadda yadda on and on and on. My train gets to it’s destination.

*Carrie, just get on the shuttle. You’ve done your workout this morning, you’re sore, just get on the shuttle and take it to your building. You don’t have to walk today, just get on the shuttle, it won’t make a difference, just a few short blocks doesn’t matter, walking is too painful (actually it really wasn’t, just a little….ok a lot, but not too much to walk)*

Next thing I knew I had fought with myself all the way to my building and yes I walked there, but looked at the stairs and gave them the middle finger and took the escalator, lol.

I’ve been sitting here all day still fighting the internal dialogue telling me I’m not going to be able to continue, that it’s too hard, that I’m just too far gone healthwise, and that I can just settle for walking and other workouts but that I’m just not a runner.  It’s been a pretty constant headache today with this crap going on. So this is what I have to say to the voices.

EFF YOU!  I’m doing the damn thing, now SHUT UP!

So.. until they get squashed, that’s just a battle I’ll have to take on.

Written by No More Tomorrows

June 6, 2011 at 1:12 pm