Surviving is not Living

Archive for the ‘Writing’ Category

A little less talk.

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I use words. I don’t know big words. I never read the dictionary until recently when the guy in my relationship brought it out to look through. He’s into the etymology of words and I’ve learned quite a bit, but overrall I keep it simple. There are a few friends who, when I speak to them I usually have a dictionary close by or pulled up on the computer so I can look up all the words they’re using in order to understand them. I don’t know big words, but I do know how to craft the words that I do know. I can cut people down, encourage people, explain myself. Maybe that means I’m a writer, because I don’t often have to think much about what I want to say or how I want to say it, it just normally comes, easily and without struggle. And I can ramble on with the best of them. I’m detailed and often will explain myself in three different ways just to make sure that people really know what I’m saying and that I’m not misunderstood. If you’ve read my blog for any amount of time, you’ve seen that. I don’t do short posts. I do long drawn out ones. Some would say that’s a no no in the blogging world, that it turns people off. I’m still learning how to blog to get followers. I hope one day to be successful.

But I use words. I can craft a put down that makes your momma cry, and say words to encourage and make people feel good. I can paint a beautiful picture of myself and what I am learning and growing in and I can make everything seem fine and wonderful. I can put together words of inspiration about weightloss to make people actually believe I’m in it and not sitting at the computer eating donuts. I can speak in love and softness and also in anger and frustration. I can use words.

I believe it’s a gift. But I also believe it’s a curse. Sometimes words aren’t needed. Sometimes they do nothing but keep me stagnant. What good are words of inspiration if I’m not letting them change me? What good is talking without action. I can apologize in the most eloquent of ways but what does it matter if I’m not really sorry, if I don’t change what it was that caused the offense in the first place. I can promise to be better, and move people to tears, but what does that matter?

I am thankful for my gift of writing and expressing myself. I’m happy that people find it encouraging and helpful. I’m proud of the work I’ve put out.

But the true beauty is in action, that’s when things happen. That is when progress is made. Words paint a pretty picture, but without action that picture will just sit in the closet and collect dust.

I don’t like being dusty.



Written by No More Tomorrows

November 9, 2011 at 11:37 am

Posted in Lessons, Writing

Responsible to Who?

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“You can please all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot please all the people all the time.”

(Quote attributed to being a variation of Abraham Lincoln’s original quote)

Being a public person seems like it’s a tight rope to walk. Everybody has an opinion, as I’m sure you’re familiar with that popular quote as well. I’m not that public and not that popular, but I do have narcissistic, self-aggrandizing aspirations to be important and popular. Because I saw another post today where the blogger wrote something and then got jumped all over for it, it made me think about responsibility when you’re a public person.

Caitlin’s post today, “10 Personal Questions, Part III” is a giveaway for her readers. In that she admitted to cheating in college and getting an A. Because she received backlash over it, she chose to edit it. Then she received more backlash about lying and about deleting the earlier comment for a new one. It just seems like she can’t win no matter what she does. This is where you refer to my quote at the beginning of this post.

Jen spoke about birth control once, asking opinions when she was considering changing her type of birth control. She received a comment calling into question her faith and her lifestyle.

I have seen it happen in every blog I regularly visit. A reader (or readers) decides it’s their duty to call out the blogger. Now, it is NOT my intention to say a reader should never disagree with a blogger. Absolutely disagree. I don’t think it’s wrong that readers responded to Caitlin by questioning her decision to put her cheating out there as she did. They said the comment seemed flippant. That is their right to say what they observed and the manner in which they interpreted it. What I don’t agree with, is when readers revert to a public flogging, when the comment is not stated respectfully or with kindness and instead seems to bring the blogger before us to stand trial and defend themselves. That is sad to me. But it happens. A lot.

It makes me think about my responsibility on this blog. Do I have a responsibility to be careful what I post in regards to weight loss so that it does not trigger someone with an eating disorder? Do I have a responsibility to not post my authentic opinion about something so as to not offend someone? Do I have a responsibility to post for my readers as opposed to posting for myself?

The conclusion I have come to is this: my responsibility is to myself and myself only.

Now, before anybody jumps on that to say I don’t care about my current and (hopefully) future readership, let me explain.

I blog because I like getting my thoughts out there, because it will help me track my life’s journey with weightloss and more, and because I have a passion for helping others and I believe that I am capable of helping others change their lives. I enjoy blogging and if it was only for me, I’d keep it private. I publish it because I DO want readers, and I DO care about my readership. But I say that I am only responsible to myself because if I operate that way I believe I will continue to keep my readership in mind.

Putting myself first means I’ll post in a way that will keep readers and not push people away. It means I do and will continue to, put things under a microscope to make sure I’m posting what is true and writing in a way to where my words have the least possibility of being misunderstood. I received a comment once in response to my statement on keeping my kids out of public school in my post “Too Extreme?” The reader felt I had been harsh in making that statement. I don’t feel my intention was to come off that way at all.

At the end of the day, my only responsibility to my readers is honesty. If I were to reach my goal weight by a pill or a surgery and then tell you I used no alternative method but eating right and working out, then I have done wrong by you. I pledge to you, my reader that anything you read from me will be completely honest and authentic. I want you to get a glimpse of who I really am by being a reader. I will apologize for what I have said that hurt others when I did not intend to, and I will welcome questions and criticism. I will hold myself responsible to maintaining the kindness and compassion on here that I attempt to live by in my non-blog life. But I will also demand respect from my readers, to me and to other readers. I will also stand by the fact that this is my blog, and that I hold all rights and responsibilities to my work. When I feel strongly enough about something, I won’t apologize for it. There are hills worth dying on, and things worth standing for without retreat. But I will walk that tight rope the best I know how to. And I hope my readership will always know my true intentions and will read my words with that understanding.

Check out these other blog posts on blogger responsibility.

Struggling with blogger responsibility

Diary of a Stay at Home Writer: The Real Freedom of Speech

Two Cents

What are your thoughts?

To what extent do you believe bloggers have a responsibility to their readers?

And to what extent should readers simply exercise their right to not read a blog whose writer they’re not thrilled with?

Written by No More Tomorrows

September 29, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Conquering Fear

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I know what it is to be afraid.  Fear has been an anchor in my life for as long as I can remember.

The high dive at the local swimming pool. The bumps and creaks in the night. Being outdoors and worrying about stings and bites and poisonous plants. Revealing a crush to a boy. Leaving the country for the first time. Getting on a plane for the first time.

As I got older, life happened and I saw fear reveal itself so much stronger and bigger than it had before.

The loss of my son that made me afraid to ever try being a mother again.

I remember before it happened to me, I thought that was the worst thing that could ever happen to someone, to be a parent and lose a child. I was right.

And a close second to that fear, came the one of losing your partner, a significant other in your life. I heard stories of young couples losing their spouse, or their girl/boy friend. A couple years back, two different couples I know of said goodbye to their partners near Christmas. Both very young and relatively new in their marriages. I had never had a serious relationship to where that fear was as close to my heart as it could be, but I knew that the loss must be a devastating one.

I posted before about Jennie losing her husband suddenly. As I am now in the midst of the most amazing relationship, that fear has hit me hard for the first time. I found her blog and her story around the same time we were waiting on results from my man’s biopsy.  I sat in fear every day, waiting for the results, and pissed that after all this time and finally discovering this amazing man, that he might be taken away from me. I was so afraid.  More afraid of losing him to cancer than I had been to losing him because I wasn’t good enough.

Thankfully there was no cancer.

I look at Jennie’s blog nearly every day. It would be easy to avoid it so that I didn’t have the thoughts in my head about losing my love.  And I know many women who try to avoid stories of miscarriage and stillbirth so as to not have those thoughts in their head while they’re pregnant. I know how I felt after losing my son, like I was the dark shadow in the corner reminding them what could happen. I felt contagious. Shame.

It’s easy to be afraid. Have you watched television lately? Everything seems to be telling us to be afraid.

But I just don’t want to live in fear of “what if” anymore.

I can’t control whether I’m ever going to lose a child again. I can’t control if other loved ones are going to die. I can’t make the world into the perfect world I’d like to live in.

So instead, I choose to live life well. I choose to make the most of the people I have in my life, while I have them. I choose to love instead of hate, and be filled with joy and optimism instead of negativity. I choose to make decisions that will make my life amazing, instead of worrying what might happen if I take a risk.

I will pour myself into my relationships, with my man, my friends, my family. I will go after projects that I don’t think I’m good enough for. I will write and blog consistently, knowing some will be good and some won’t. I will run. I will chase health and life. I will talk to strangers.

I will live. Without Fear. Because any other way just isn’t good enough.


Written by No More Tomorrows

September 26, 2011 at 11:01 am

Posted in Fear, Inspiration, Writing


with 4 comments

I make plans and then I lose focus. It happens a lot. This is my time to pull it back together and keep going, get out of this funk and move forward. I’m not restarting, I’m just continuing what was stalled. I started out the journey to health really strong, then life happened and I got distracted. I set my sights on building a business of my own to not have a boss someday soon, and got distracted from that also. Couch to 5K began, and stalled.

So this is me taking a moment to regroup.

I haven’t been weighing in mostly because I knew there’d either be no loss or a gain and I just didn’t want to face it. I fell off REAL bad for awhile, and then lately it’s been more of an eating-great-but-not-working-out type of a fall off. When I began this journey, I knew it wouldn’t be smooth sailing, but I also knew this was going to be the last time I said I was getting healthy. I knew this time was going to get it done. I just knew it. So, as frustrated as I am that I haven’t stuck with things as well as I’d like to have, I also know it’s just a part of the journey. I know I am learning a lot, I’m living life, and I’m making the right changes. But it’s time to measure things again. However, I’m not going to do weekly weigh ins. Instead, I’m doing it the way Ben’s doing it. Weigh-ins will be the 1st and the 15th of each month. The number on the scale matters to me, but it’s not the more important focus of my life. So I’m giving it the right place in my life, twice a month. With that I will also be using other things to tell me how my progress is going, measurements, clothing sizes, run times, distances, etc. The number isn’t all that matters.

Call this section “Everything I won’t be eating.”

People talk a lot about not depriving yourself. I don’t like to look at it that way. There are certain things I just don’t need to be putting in my body. Ever. I don’t think that’s deprivation, I think that’s just seeing food for it’s true purpose. I don’t want to see food so much as pleasure as I do as fuel. I want to heal my relationship with food, and only eat what I need.

Part of my desire to change my food is also to combat the PCOS (warning: discusses things of a feminine health nature. If you are squeemish about those things, don’t click the link) I was diagnosed with 8 years ago. I decided to take charge of it and control it. I haven’t been medicated for about 6 years and despite that I was still able to get pregnant and carry to term. The stillbirth of my son doesn’t seem to be because of my PCOS, at least according to my doctors. But lately, things have been looking kind of sketchy in the area of my feminine and reproductive health. (such as having a 70 day cycle instead of the “normal” 28)

More than anything in the world: I WANT BABIES.

So I am taking control of it. I have read a crap ton of information about treating my PCOS naturally. I fully believe that once I am healthy my body will give me healthy babies. Basically the information I’m finding is saying to reduce animal products, eat protein, good fats, low GI foods, Cut out caffeine and Alcohol and avoid white food. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’ve made big steps towards a veg lifestyle and I can say with full confidence that one day very soon I will not be a meat eater. I’ve also found some information to recommend the herbs and nutrients that will control my effed up hormones, man-hair, mood swings, effed up cycles, insulin resistance, weight, and acne (all things attributed to PCOS) I also hear good things about a gluten free diet in treating PCOS, so I’m going to look into it. Basically I have been looking at, how can I cut out all of this stuff and still eat a healthy, well-balanced diet. The answer I’m finding is, pretty darn easily, actually.

Many plans regarding running. First step, get back to Couch to 5K training. That will commence immediately. Basically my only option is to do mornings. So I will be making sure I start getting up early and getting the wogging in. Once the Colorado cold sets in I may be looking for an indoor track or gym, or I may just be sucking it up and dealing with the cold. Especially if I’m going to be taking part in races during the winter. Which brings me to my plans.

I did my first unofficial 5K back in July. Now it’s time to get official. November 13, 2008 was the day I buried my son. I think it seems fitting to run a race for babies that day. I get paid soon and I will be registering for that race. Once that is done there’s no turning back. I either run it or I wasted my money. And I’m cheap, so I don’t like wasting money.

Then, you know… next year is 2012, and there’s 12 months in the year, and I figure, why not also do 12 races?


Yeah, I will begin looking for races once they’re posted and will be doing a 5K once a month in 2012. 12 5K’s in 12 months. Right now that seems crazy, but to runners who do long distances it’s nothing. It’s not like it’s 52 marathons in 52 weeks or anything crazy like that. Who does that?!

Speaking of which…. (omg I must be frickin crazy)

Denver hasn’t been announced yet. Denver may not be a stop on their tour but I’m assuming and hoping it will be since we were so fabulous this year. There is a marathon in October in Denver. They do a marathon and give you the option for a half. I’m not sure the timing. I’ve looked into the training programs for a 5k, 10k, half, and full marathon and if I do them consecutively with a week break in between, it takes me out to June. Basically…

I have my eyes set on a marathon for 2012.

So, there are the goals and plans I have set in place. I fully believe I can achieve them. I just have to get out of my own way.

That’s the first step.

Written by No More Tomorrows

August 25, 2011 at 2:58 pm

!!!!!!!! Moments

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Remember that one time I got featured in a post by one of my top three favorite bloggers?

Yeah, that happened.


For those of you who don’t blog, think of someone you look up to, adore, etc who really doesn’t know you, like a celebrity, author, etc. Then imagine watching an interview, reading their book or whatever and they say your name. Yeah, it’s like that.

The list at the right are all the blogs/sites that at one time or another have inspired me in something they’ve said, or provided a resource for me (couch to 5K), but of those, there are 3 that I follow religiously. Three of them that stick out to me, that I read all the time, that I have gone back and read nearly all of their old posts. I connect with reading them because they show me it’s possible to do what I want to do in the realm of weight loss. They also show me that once you get where you want to be, life doesn’t suddenly become perfect. Maintaining is hard too. Life happens and it’s easy to revert to the comfort food that made us be obese in the first place. They have humor, and cute significant others they show pictures of, and family and friends and they live life. And those of us who read along are thankful that they let us peak into their lives. And I have been blessed to have an exciting !!!!!!!! moment with all three.

Jen, at Prior Fat Girl, well that moment was the latest. Jen has worked through some pretty major stuff in her life. The sudden death of her mom, and most recently the tornado damage to her house are two things that would break some people. It’s not easy to be faced with things like that and still push through. If you haven’t checked out her blog I think you should, along with the other priorfatgirls and priorfatguy she hosts on her site. Then take a look at the community and join in. It’s better to do things together than do them alone. And finally, because she’s paying for some repairs to her house not covered by insurance, and every little bit helps, you should check out her store and make a purchase.

Jasmine, at Eat Move Write is someone I connected with because I see similarities in parts of our lives. Her interracial marriage and desire for brown babies. The fact that she’s living in the Pacific Northwest as I would also love to do. The personality she shows. I just adore her. Truly. And every time I see a comment from her on my blog, a reply on something I’ve said on her blog, or a comment on something I write on my Facebook Page, I have one of those !!!!! moments all over again. I know if you read her stuff you’ll adore her too. She’s too wonderful not to. And check out her store also.

Ben, decided to Do Life, started a blog, and it became a Movement. I found him via the Couch to 5K site where he was listed under Inspiration. I clicked on his blog, and I was hooked. Then I found out there was a tour approaching and so I started the Couch to 5K program, which didn’t last beyond week 1, but still determined to Do Life, I showed up when he was in Denver and had the privilege of meeting him. I did my first (unofficial) 5K and told him during next year’s tour I will be half of myself. I have a lot of work to do to stick with that statement, but because of all the people who share their lives with us, and show it’s possible, I know I can make it happen. Ben and his Pa have a really awesome 2012 in the works, and your support would really help, so check out the store and make a purchase. Then stay tuned for details about the tour and get out and Do Life with them.

Who are your top three favorite people/bloggers/etc? Have they ever responded to you? Have you ever met them? Was it a !!!!!!!!!! moment as I’ve talked about?

Written by No More Tomorrows

August 18, 2011 at 9:27 am

A Laundry List

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I’m totally not the blogger that will give you countless posts of what I’ve been up to, and if that’s the kind of blogger you are, then unfortunately I won’t stay a reader.

However, I do laundry lists from time to time and I like to read them from time to time in the blogs I frequent.

So here’s mine…

10 year reunion was cool, 200 and some jello shots consumed, made with vodka, some everclear, some whiskey…


So I gained a couple of alcohol pounds. It happens. Moving on…

My toe is still totally jacked. I’m going to have to come up with some things I can do not involving running so that I can burn some calories and get back to losing.

Enjoyed my days off, and yesterday was spent with the Man, which is always a wonderful thing. We had Indian (my first time, no more indian food virgin) and looked at a few different areas for apartments (for HIM not US) and went back and chilled the rest of the day while I cleaned up the kitchen from him destroying it while I was gone, and then he made dinner, which was, as usual, foodgasmic.

And now I’m back at work.

I need to get on the ball of writing and freelance work searching and gettin motivated to make my own money.

Stay tuned for a post with more depth soon.


Written by No More Tomorrows

July 26, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Posted in Life, Love, Weight Loss, Writing

All Over the Place

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It’s not that I have nothing to say right now, it’s that I have too much to say, and I can’t really make sense of the mess in my head. No worries, the mess isn’t bad, it’s just chaotic. Ideas and thoughts and all that jazz. Because I can’t really make sense of what’s in my own head, today is going to be full of a bunch of links to things I think everyone should read. I hope to provide you with enough to carry through the weekend in case I don’t get back to you before then. Tomorrow is my friday and then I’m headed back to Kansas for my 10 year high school reunion.

WHAT?! How has it been that long already? Seriously. When did we all become grown?

10 years. Hm.. that just got me thinking of a post idea.  Stay tuned for that. In the meantime, what follows is gonna be others’ posts who have inspired me, not all has to do with weightloss stuff, but just life in general and inspiration in different areas. Please check them out. There’s so many cool people I’ve found in the blogosphere, and because some of them are doing this for their career (which I hope to be someday, soon) visiting their pages and such helps support their livelihood, and I’m ALL about supporting small businesses/self-employed peeps.

Ben Does Life Video Journey – The Do Life Movement started from Ben’s journey. He was in Denver Sunday and that’s how I ended up doing my first 5K.  Pretty awesome. And really, that’s what it’s about, doing life. I want to lose 180 pounds, and get out of debt, and have positive people in my circle, and do the job I love to do, all because I believe life should be lived loudly, however that translates for you. We should be our best selves, not what others expect us to be, not what we settle for being, not stuck because we’re afraid to move, but extraordinary, because life is short, and we should soak it all up while we can.

This is What it Looks Like – A 26 part (short posts, easy reads) series on love. Jasmine Myers of Eat Move Write lets us in on her journey of discovering love, for the man who would eventually become her husband and, ultimately, for herself. It’s beautiful. Truly. Our ability to love anybody else only truly comes after we’ve fallen in love with ourselves.

Jasmine’s Top Posts – (More from Eat Move Write) All pretty awesome. In fact, you really should just go to her page and use her drop down menu to go back in time and read everything she has written, and then start following her regularly. She’s taking a short pause from her blog, so you have time to catch up. She’s pretty awesome. I find it to be a beautiful thing when your spirit connects to another’s even when you’ve not met that person. I know that not everyone connects with the same people, but I think some of you definitely will.

Running is for Crazy People – A Guest Blog at Healthy Tipping Point talking about what her “tipping point” was. Everybody has a moment where they decide that enough is enough and kick it into gear. This was hers. And I enjoyed the read.

30 Lessons My Parents Didn’t Teach Me – Just a freaking awesome post that E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y should read. Seriously.

Dear Mom, I would give it all back – Warning. It made me cry. Post from Jen, founder of Prior Fat Girl, who lost her mom during her journey, on the day of her 2 year anniversary of healthiness, when she planned on celebrating her 100 lbs lost.  Another one, My mom is dead talks a little more about her journey after losing her mom, with coming to the point of learning how to live without her mom, and realizing it was something she had to do. People wonder how you survive something like that, loss of a young parent, a spouse, or a child. The answer is this, you just do. You wake up, get out of bed, and put one foot in front of the other.

Rachel Wilkerson’s Fourth Rule – Thou Shalt Own It. I truly believe this. Do not every apologize for who you are. That is living a life that is authentic, and that is the greatest gift we can give others, our authentic selves. That doesn’t mean being a jerk for no reason and treating others poorly. It means accepting who you are and not apologizing if you don’t fit a perfect mold that someone else has created for you. Rachel is definitely someone I enjoy reading. She puts it out there. Doesn’t apologize, and makes me laugh, A LOT.  Check out her top posts and her recipes.

Okay, I hope that has given you enough to tide over for awhile. Link us to a favorite post(s) you’ve read recently. Or a favorite blogger. I’m always looking for new people to follow, to be inspired by, to laugh with.

And I promise I will be back with more posts of my own soon. I have a lot of ideas floating around, just need to organize them.  I have a list of “to be written” posts.

Written by No More Tomorrows

July 20, 2011 at 3:44 pm